The Most Bittersweet Experience

The force that we came to be was much too strong;
Began replacing what was rational thought
And that was ok until you decided to relieve your pressure elsewhere
so as not to spontaneously combust.
So.
We decided that the solution to our problems
Would be to
Pull ourselves from the intensity that was
Us.
But I feel your absence;
Your presence has become the normal,
And not the something extra.
The passion that we were
Is expected to diminish until
Our beings can stop being charged
By each other
With a single glance.
So the time
And the space
And the silence
All have their say
And erode the foundation of what turned out to be
The most bittersweet experience.

About Time

Sitting up late at night,
Thinking of different ways to phrase the fact that remains the same:
I don't love you anymore.
Feelings of profound relief are held at bay by the overwhelming sense of guilt.
After all, I have been the steady shore in this rocky bout,
When you were busy making waves.
Standing firm, I weathered the storms of
infidelity, betrayal, and manipulation
caused by you colliding cold and warm fronts.
Hard to believe that after all of that,
my steadfast erosion is due to the fact that I want something different.
How do I explain to the love of my life so far
that just as he might be ready for love,
it is hiding from me?
But honesty has been my most sacred and most debated demand,
so do I not deliver that here?
Can I turn away from the bank holding my time, energy, and dedication?
I guess so, because dripping from the tip of my tongue,
begging for release,
are two words; the very ones that I have dreaded for years.
Good bye.

Promises

Promises...

Heavy eyelids betray me

As I try to stay awake

and cling to your every word.

As you pontificate on the wonders of the world

-or so I imagine-

my mind wanders to more important topics, such as

how your lips would feel if they kept moving,

but on me instead.

Shaking off the haze around my brain that has been induced by my proximty to you,

my focus on your words sharpens,

and utterances of your goals, hopes, and dreams drift into my consciousness.

And I can't help but to hear the "we's" and "us's" that litter your speech.

My brain sends a sweet spasm down my spine as those words penetrate my mind;

act as an aphrodisiac to my senses.

As I come down from my high, I realize the necessity and expectation of reciprocation.

Mentally fresh, I share me life intentions with you as well.

The silence that results is out mental cigarette as we process and bask in the euphoria that comes from acknowledging a shared future.

THROWBACK #1 (FEARce Diva)

*NOTE*

In high school I had the greatest creative writing teacher....she challenged us to do some amazing things...from time to time i'll post some of my stuff from that class....FREE creative expression at its best

*NOTE*

THE-SKY-WAS-BLUE

The sky was blue….but the rain was pouring

The lights were off….yet it was still bright

I was running so fast….and I still couldn’t catch up until…

Knock, Knock….who’s there

It’s me….could it be

After six months, 3 weeks, 8 days, 1 hour and 33, 34, 35, 36 seconds

Reuniting can be so fulfilling…unless you want revenge

Making love so sweet…unless you’re in for the kill

He’s making me so mad…because of the love that I feel

He has me going CRAZY…but why is he still here

I know why he left…but why is he back

Little does he know what is in store

This time I’m the one who’ll go through that door

He’ll be left out there with no where to go…

I was running so fast…and I still couldn’t catch up

The lights were off…yet it was still bright

The sky was dark…but my sun shone that night

UNTITLED

When smiling just wont do...

I wanna hear your laugh

I love your little smile

As much as you dont like it



Your voice is smooth,

it makes me smile.

But Smiling just wont do



When we get to the place

Where we can't find the words

But our smiles read volumes...

But it just wont do.



I want your kiss...

INSPIRATION

INSPIRATION was FOUND today

Found in the teary eyes of a tearless man

Inspiration was GIVEN today

Given to a soul that needed awakening

If I get nothing else from you...

I've got this INSPIRATION.

My words will flow again

The ONLY one who has EVER taken them away...

has simultaneously given them life.

I am inspired by you

You inspire me

My INSPIRATION comes from you!

If I only had the words to say....

A Fear of Survival?

Have you ever actually feared survival? Experienced pain so piercing that you really thought that your next breath was impossible? Or simply pain so bad that you would have rathered, just in that instance, to stop breathing altogether? It is daunting to work with the knowledge that if life continues, pain is inevitable. Yet the vast majority of us make the decision to keep going, despite the fear.

Or maybe you have experienced joy so profound that that emotion nearly took your breath away... Felt a feeling so exquisite that you were afraid of the sheer intensity of the moment? Or maybe your fear is that you have peaked; that no other moment in your life will ever compare to *this* one. But still, through that fear, we push on, seeking an equivalent moment; chasing the thrill.

You may think that life, in its most basic form, is a passive endeavor, but every decision made, even the one to keep living despite your situation, negates that sentiment. The fear of survival could hold us back, but truly, its elusive nature keeps us going. To share your fears, to let someone in, is a scary and vulnerable action, but our hope is that your fear will subside as you experience ours in whatever form we may lay it out here. Contribute, lurk, or take over as you wade through the entropic collection of feelings, thoughts, trials, and triumphs that outline *our* Fear of Survival.